Far too few people are talking about finding your purpose after you get out. This is probably the biggest challenge you will face, and it’s largely ignored in transition advice. When you wore the uniform, you were a part of something bigger than yourself. You wore the flag, defended the constitution, belonged to a unit with history, medals, and tradition. If you failed to do your job, people died, the war was lost, the great experiment that is the USA itself is at risk.
But now? Now what?
Now you make widgets, and seriously, who gives a damn if they don’t get made?
You didn’t join the military because of money, and money has never been a great motivator. You look around at civilians that are motivated by money and pity them. They have never been a part of something like you. They value their jobs as if customers not getting their widgets in time is really of any consequence whatsoever. You’ve seen death. You’ve seen children starving and abused. You’ve seen any number of horrible things, and you know these widgets don’t matter. So what is the point of it all?
This is the realization so many veterans face, often years after they get out. When they are no longer surrounded by the veteran community. When they no longer talk to their army buddies every day. They lose hope, meaning, and purpose, then they make a fateful decision.
This is why I am speaking up, because this isn’t a fucking game. Because transition doesn’t end the day you get a damn job, it’s only just starting. Because three years after you get out, you’ll be sitting at a fireworks show and all of a sudden your heart will start racing and you’ll have a hard time sleeping that night for the first time. Because four years after you get out, you’ll get a call that one of your friends was killed and you’ll have to get up the next day with a smile on your face and pretend nothing happened because you’re meeting with customers and trying to make a sale. Because seven years after you get out, you’re going to wonder what the hell you’re doing with your life and what actually matters to you. Because your transition goes on long after you get out, because you’re not learning to be a civilian, you’re learning to live in the civilian world; there’s a difference.
Deciding Where to Step Next?
If you want to avoid this pothole, you need to find something that is going to give you meaning and purpose above yourself. I don’t know what will work for you, but here’s what works for me:
First it’s my family. My three kids and my wife are my life. If you read the book, that will be abundantly clear, I spend half of it talking about my life as a family man.
Next it’s you, the reader of this very article. I have lost too many friends to the demons in their minds, and I felt compelled to do something. CONUS Battle Drills is fun, funny, entertaining, but also raw, honest, and in your face. Why? Because that was exactly what my life as an infantryman in the 82nd was like. If in all my ramblings, I can help someone turn things around, then I have made a difference in this world, and that means something.
Third it’s my church and charity. I know, I cuss way too much, but Jesus loves me anyway. Giving my time and money to those who need it has allowed me to feel that sense of gravity and import that wearing a uniform did. I have never felt so much joy with my money as when I have given it generously.
So what will it be for you? Are you going to start your own business? Volunteer your time? Write poetry? Make music? Give your money? Do something that matters, that’s bigger than yourself, you need it!
-LJF
For more information on transition, get the highly rated book on Amazon: