Tag: brotherhood

My day with Nick and Jack

I keep glancing down at my GPS as I pull into the neighborhood where RangerUP headquarters is located; the area is shady as fuck. I send Nick a message that I am here and when I look up from my phone a guy was coming out of the building to have a cigarette.  I step boldly out of my Prius and introduce myself. He shook my hand, “I’m Jack, nice to meet you.”  As he said that it clicked.  I look more closely and in his eyes I had the faint resemblance of a certain character from Range15.  “Wait, Jack Mandaville?  Like from the movie?”  My voice goes up at least an octave, but in my defense, the guy looks nothing like his film persona:

I tell him about the shady neighborhood, and Jack laughs it off.  “Yeah man, like the first week we were here some dude was straight up murdered at the gas station…like muuuuuuuuurrrrdered.”  He points his hand like a gun and pops off caps into the ground as he hangs on the word murdered, the smoke from his Marlboro red adds a nice touch.

A bright red suburban with “Rgr Up 6” plates pulls into the parking lot and I can recognize the face I’ve seen on many a youtube video in the driver seat.  Nick pulls in and starts to do a Chinese fire drill switching out car seats with another car in the parking lot.  As a father, I know this drill well and can appreciate the urgency when he walks up and introduces himself. “Hey I’m Nick.  Let’s get inside before he sees me,” referencing his little boy that is already missing daddy.

Inside it looks exactly what you would expect the warehouse to look like when you’ve outsourced a large percentage of your work.  Mostly bare shelves and a metric fuckload of shipping materials and differently sized priority mail boxes sit on every horizontal surface.  Adorning the walls are beautiful liquid metal decorations of flags, punisher skulls, and different army units.  These really are gorgeous, and I found my eyes lingering on the 82nd Airborne patch as we make our way to a corner in the warehouse where the offices are.

Nick is already on his phone answering emails and checking twitter while he talks to me about the day ahead. I can’t stop thinking about how nice it would be to come to work in gym shorts and a t-shirt noticing his outfit.  On my right is a large white board that covers the wall.  Written on it are all kinds of video ideas, some have checkmarks, most have names next to them assigning some sort of responsibility.  “I’m sorry we’re really short-handed today,” Nick starts as he drifts off back into his phone then continues without looking up, “I had to send everyone to Georgia to unfuck that mess…gimme a sec.”  Something he read caught his attention and he retreats into his office.

I’m left behind with Jack and Thom, their resident editor who I would later learn is a genius when it comes to film.  Sitting on the table, shoved under some boxes, is a poster-board with stick figures drawn on it.  I pick it up and laugh, “Yeah, I’m not an artist, but it’s funny.  That’s a shirt I designed.  Want one?”  Just like that, Jack Mandaville was offering me for free an original design.  I muttered through some words as I’m still awestruck, but really, as a guy that knows the cost of inventory, I’m very sensitive about accepting gifts from small businesses.

 

“I wanted to be creative.  Pursue my passion, do something I loved, and make a difference.”

 

The conversation moves a bit as Jack tells me he used to be in the oil industry and write for the duffelblog on the side. I ask why he left, “I wanted to be creative.  Pursue my passion, do something I loved, and make a difference.”  His words were so damn passionate, they hit me like a bat to the teeth.  Not only can I identify with that statement, but the way he delivered it makes me want to stand on my desk and call him O Captain My Captain.

I ask a couple follow ups and before I know it, I move chairs and am looking over his shoulder at the computer. He jumps from one shirt to the next, showing me the designs, artwork, and most importantly, the stories behind each and every shirt.  “We’re more than a T-Shirt company.  Our product descriptions aren’t shit like 50% cotton 50% polyester extra larg-nah, read this shit!”  He points to the screen and starts to read a couple sentences from an American Sparta shirt.  He is booming with pride and testosterone, then he clicks and we’re staring at war rabbit.  I laugh, he chuckles and says, “then there’s this.  People eat this shit up man.”  By the way readers, I love war rabbit.

Nick comes back out, as he would throughout the day, told us the plan, told us he was ready to film, glanced at his phone, and went back into his office.  “Just give me a minute,” his voice carried across the offices as Jack’s phone rang.

It’s amazing to see what happens to a man when he’s in love.  Jack is a hard and hilarious motherfucker with a USMC tattoo prominently on his forearm. I watch his face transform in real time just by glancing at the caller ID.  “Hey baby!” His voice comes out soft and sweet.  He is excited and tempered at the same time as he rises from behind his desk and steps outside.

“That’s his girlfriend if you can’t tell,” Nick said as he came back out. I talk to him about the interview that I want to do. As I tell him what questions I want to ask he looks intently at the ground thinking about what he would say.  When I was done, he nods, “I’m ready to do this now.  Want to do it now?”  I tell him I’m ready and we step into a back room where we interrupt Thom working in the dark by flipping the light on.  Nick explains what we were doing as he sends another email on his phone and Thom immediately got to work setting everything up.  Nick promises he will be right back and shoots out towards his office.  I could tell things weren’t going well, but he wanted me to feel welcomed and he was going to find a way to be in more than one place at once.

Nick comes back in, asks if we’re ready and takes a seat in front of the camera.  He puts down his phone, shakes his head furiously, smacks his face, and his eyes meet mine and in an instant I see the key to his success.  In this moment, at this time, there is nothing else going on in Nick’s life but this interview.  There is no doubt he is wholly focused 100% on me, and let’s face it, I’m a fucking nobody.  Knowing that he is giving this much attention to something that in the grand scheme of his business isn’t going to make a great bit of difference is evidence of the focus, character, and effort he puts into a market that he revolutionized.

 

 “I had to get better.  I didn’t have a choice.  I had to be a better businessman, better entrepreneur, a better dad.”

 

I look down at my phone where I had my notes, ask my first question and immediately I’m sucked into his story.  “I learned I was getting another promotion in my corporate role…” He starts to recount the story of when he decided to quit his cushy job and work on RangerUP full time.  It cost him his marriage, he had to downgrade his house, ended up with tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt, and had less than $1500 to his name.  “I had to get better.  I didn’t have a choice.  I had to be a better businessman, better entrepreneur, a better dad.”

There is no question that Nick got better.  He filled a market niche that no one else had up until that point and defined the market.  He created a business that not only grew in the new market, but has managed to stay on top while the competition increased in number and quality.  He even invented a marketing strategy that few have been able to replicate, and although it hasn’t made it into your MBA books yet, believe that it will one day.

Note: The interview is getting its own post with video in a few days, so make sure to like/follow/subscribe whatever, so you don’t miss it

Our interview ends and we bullshit for a few more minutes as Nick goes back to his phone.  Thom and I are left behind to discuss video file transfers as Jack comes back in the room.  He’s pacing a bit and throwing out ideas for the next movie.  “Should I wear a Hitler mustache?  Is that too much,” he asks us. We join in tossing out ideas on how to make his character over the top.  He stops pacing for a moment, “Actually no, because then i’d have to wear the mustache to dinner and shit.”

He’s hops over to a rack of costumes and starts pulling out items for a video that they are making today.  I look up to a large flatscreen in front of me that has Thom’s screen displayed.  On it I can read the script and immediately start laughing.  I look over at Jack, “Did you write this?”  “Yeah,” he answers pulling out a fake beard from the box at his feet.  He gets all the costumes ready and disappears.

About 30 minutes later Nick shows back up chomping on a burrito as Jack rounds the corner and tosses a burrito in my direction.  We eat quickly then Nick starts getting into his hipster outfit for the video.  He stands in front of a green screen facing the camera, Jack is sitting on the ground holding the script and reads the first line to Nick.  One take, nailed it, and we all laugh hard.  A quick costume change and Nick is ready to go again.  “If either of them are elected, you can stay in your own darn country,” Jack reads out and Nick repeats.  His Canadian accent is terrible and quickly morphs into Scottish at every turn.  I’m laughing so hard tears are rolling down my cheeks, Thom is laughing hard too, but Jack is just sitting there repeating the same line again and again in a perfect Canadian accent for Nick to emulate. Eventually they get a good take (see the video here), I ask for a photo with the two of them and say goodbye.

14956058_10210791951418537_3646226444603564884_n

On my way out we chat briefly about collaborating on a future video, I thank them again, and leave.  I get in my car, text my wife to let her know i’m heading home and take one last look at the RangerUP marquee above the door to the building.   This will go down as one of the coolest things I’ve ever done, even if it was just Thursday for Nick and Jack.

-LJF

 

 

 

Click the image below to find out what we’re doing here at CONUS Battle Drills!

file_000-1

Never Surrender

Since I started CONUS Battle Drills I’ve had many people send me resume’s to review, ask me tips on handling headhunters and recruiters, and even helped proofread some college papers, but I was really unprepared for the conversation I had last night (even though I probably should have been).

A battle buddy of mine that I used to serve with gave me a call to talk about a friend of his that is getting out of the army (Let’s call him John).  John suffered a combat injury that has left him with chronic pain, and that pain has led to many more issues to include substance abuse, marital problems, and depression.  John is also getting out of the Army soon and doesn’t seem to have a plan for what he wants to do.  My battle buddy gave me an open-ended question asking for advice on how to handle this situation or what advice to give to his friend.

Now if you follow this page at all, you should have noted that John is on the path noted in Dark Night of the Soul and is exhibiting many of the risk factors for suicide.  If John doesn’t make some changes, there is a very good chance he is going to become another statistic and through his surrender, another family is going to be broken.

risk factors

 

If you’ve read the book, then you know that one of the objectives of CONUS Battle Drills is to prepare guys in such a way that they can address some of these risk factors and get on the path to healing and success.  I am not qualified to help John through many of his problems, and neither is my battle buddy, but together we are the first line of defense and can get him the real, professional help that he needs.

Surrender

My heart breaks for guys like John, but he is surrendering.  It’s easier to get up and ring the bell during hell week than to continue to suffer.  It’s easier to quit in mountain phase of ranger school than to endure another two months of pain.  It’s easier to drop out in selection than to continue to roll in the log pit filling your pockets with vomit.  The hard part, and the part that makes it all worthwhile, is to fight on, push past your limits and succeed in your goal.

Gentlemen, getting drunk and high, divorcing your wife, losing your job, that’s surrender.  You know what’s hard?  Fighting an addiction, repairing a marriage and building trust, getting promoted, even apologizing.  I’m not going to marginalize John’s problems, however, and just say that a change in attitude is going to fix everything because it’s not, but he needs to make a commitment mentally to get off the path of least resistance, get back on azimuth, and start working towards what is important in order to find healing and satisfaction.

What is Important to You?

The second big question is to understand why you are getting out.  We have explored that extensively and even argued about whether that needs to be the first big question instead of the second.  Understanding what is important to you is very similar to the why because it becomes the overarching goal in which all other smaller goals will fall.

Using my earlier examples, the guys who eventually earn the SEAL Trident, Ranger Tab, or Special Forces Tab went to that school with the mental attitude that no matter what, they were going to achieve that goal, but they also compartmentalized their problems and challenges and created a series of small goals that were attainable that fed into the overall goal:  Pass the PT test, don’t fall out of the run, find the next point in land nav, get over this obstacle, don’t quit.  Even though surrender was an option at every turn, they avoided it because it didn’t fit into their overall goal.

So let me ask the question, What is most Important to You in Life?  Think about everything that you could lose, which of those things would be the absolute worst?  To me, it’s my family.  I can lose my job, my house, all my things, but all of those can be replaced, my family can’t.  Therefore every action I take, every decision I make, I ask myself whether or not that action or decision is helping to preserve that which matters most to me.  If the answer is “no” then I need to correct my course, get off the path to surrender, and move back towards my objective.

Paying the Small Debts First

I’m a big fan of Dave Ramsey and his Financial Peace University.  In many cases of soldiers that I work with, financial strife is the first problem that they face and things snowball from there.  Dave Ramsey gives counseling every day to people sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, and his advice always starts with paying the small debts first.  This gives us the opportunity to take some weight out of our rucksacks a little at a time, develop good habits, and prepare us to take on the biggest monsters because the ankle biters have been taken care of and we can laser focus on the bigger issues.

In John’s case, however, finances have become a symptom or a consequence of his initial injury that drove his addiction.  Now he’s facing a major life change by getting out with no job, no career goals, and no focus.  This is compounding problems in his marriage, making him want to quit.  In John’s case, finding a job is his smallest debt.

Let me put it this way:  John isn’t going to wake up tomorrow and not have pain.  He isn’t going to wake up and not have an addiction.  He isn’t going to wake up and not have any problems in his marriage.  There is no action he can take today to make those problems go away.  In fact, he will be fighting those battles for many years to come, BUT he can wake up tomorrow and have a job!  He can take a single action this afternoon and tomorrow wake up with a career; it’s a small victory and one he certainly needs in his life right now.

John also needs to get off the path of surrender and do the hard task of asking for professional help with his addiction, managing his pain, and repairing his marriage.  Gentlemen, going to a mental health professional doesn’t make you weak.  It’s hard to admit that you need help, the mistake is thinking you can do it alone.

Conclusion

I know a lot of you are suffering like John is, and too many of our brothers out there are quitting life because they can’t handle the enormity of their problems.  I want you to know that there is help, there is healing, and you are not alone.  One of the pillars of my strength come from God, and I encourage you to seek Him out.  Even if you don’t believe, joining a men’s group where you can talk openly with other men facing the same problems will give you great strength just like your battle buddy did in combat.  Please don’t surrender, there are people in this world that are counting on you, and to them what you have done in your life makes you their hero.  You can do this and there are people that can help.

God Bless every one of you!

-LJF

Getting out of the military is hard!  Don’t make it harder on yourself by not being prepared!  Buy CONUS Battle Drills:  A Guide for Combat Veterans to Corporate Life, Parenthood, and Caging the Beast Inside!

The Dark Night of the Soul- Part 1

This is the first part of two-part postings on suicide. The first part deals with a general introduction to the problem and the concept of risk and protective factors. The second part will address more intrapersonal, individual factors and possible options to find hope and relief. However, it is important to keep in mind this is a very complex subject that resists any attempt to quick fixes or easy solutions. We humbly approach this deadly subject with hopes at understanding it better and hopefully finding possible solutions.

The man in front of me was looking distressed and his words were coming out with great difficulty. He was a platoon SGT, with multiple combat deployments, and currently having problems with chronic pain, poor sleep, and depression. As we discussed his background and his military experience, something seemed not right. As we progressed in our interview, I asked him if something had occurred recently. He looked up to me and said, “Yesterday I found out one of my guys from my platoon in Afghanistan committed suicide, he was like a son to me”

For those of us in the military, these are sadly, common occurrences. We all know somebody or know of somebody, who has taken his life. The news is devastating. These men have been in combat, shared great dangers and adversities, and through it all, they survived and came home only to end their lives at their own hands.  We feel sad, powerless, angry, and we ask ourselves why?

It may be surprising to some, but there was a time in the past that suicide in the military was much lower (20% and more in some cases) than in the civilian population; in fact, being in the military used to be a protective factor. However, all of that began to change around 2004, and suicide rates have continued to rise and maintain at levels much higher that our civilians counterparts. By 2012, when we were still significantly involved in combat operations, more soldiers died by suicide than those killed in action, a very sobering fact. It does not take a genius to see that the rise in suicide rates corresponded to the onset of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars our longest wars to date. Yet, the statistical link between deployments and suicide is at best weak or non-existent, a fact that adds complexity to this issue.

There are hundreds of studies and millions of dollars spent in trying to find a solution, or even an understanding to this perplexing problem. One factor however, which seems significant is that suicide rates are much higher for those who separate early from the military or separate under less than honorable conditions. This fact alone, underlines the importance of transition issues, of losing connection with our brothers in arms, and of finding oneself lost in a world we do not seem to fit in very well and we do not seem to be well equipped to survive and thrive.

A significant line of research, mostly based on statistical and epidemiological studies of suicide populations, focuses on risk and protective factors; that is, what are the factors or elements that render a person more vulnerable or likely to commit suicide versus the factors that tend to protect the person from it. While this research is helpful and promising in many respects, if fails in two fundamental aspects. The first one is clearly linked to the weakness of correlational studies; that an association exist between to variables, does not implies causation, it only suggests a relationship ( that a rooster crows at sunrise does not mean that the sun makes the rooster crows).  The second one is similar, that while a set of factors may predict a likely behavior from a member of a given population, it can’t never predict the behavior of a specific member of that population. For example, risk factors may tell us that soldiers who display those factors have a higher likelihood to hurt themselves, but it cannot tell us that a specific soldier, SGT Smith will do so.

Nevertheless, risk and protective factors are place to start in helping us think more concretely about suicide and in ways to prevent it from occurring.  Here is a short list of those factors.

Risk and Protective Factors

 

Risk Factors    Protective  Factors
 

Mental disorders

Prior history of suicidal behavior

Personality Disorders

Personality Traits (anger, impulsivity)

Hopelessness

Substance Use

Stressful life events (loss of job, partner)

Lack of Social Support

Single/divorced

Cognitive Problems

Chronic illnesses (Pain, TBI, etc)

Demographics (white, male )

Access to lethal means

Family history of mental illness

History of childhood abuse/neglect

 

 Social Support

Being Married

Religious affiliation

Character strengths

Life Satisfaction

Positive mood

Hope

Self-esteem

Meaning and purpose

Coping ability

Adaptability

Meaningfully employed.

Life goals

 

A quick look at this list may suggest some possible ways to minimize risk. Some factors are of course, impervious to change; we can’t alter our race and gender neither can we alter our lives’ histories. Who we are biologically, and what has happened to us, is determined and unchangeable. On the other hand, there are many factors we can change or modify which may enhance and enrich our lives and in doing so, protect us from self-destruction. Maintaining a sense of connection and belongings, fostering primary relationships, returning or coming to Faith, seeking professional help, taking care of our basic needs (employment, housing, etc) and developing life goals and purpose may be a place to start. There are no easy solutions, and even those actions we could take may not be completely under out control. Even our willingness, disposition and desire may be lacking. However, it is not the size of the problem, but the strength of our character that will carry the day; we need to believe that and commit ourselves to that ideal.

SPARTAN

 

 


Getting out of the military is hard!  Don’t make it harder on yourself by not being prepared!  Buy CONUS Battle Drills:  A Guide for Combat Veterans to Corporate Life, Parenthood, and Caging the Beast Inside!

What it’s like to be Wealthy

I don’t generally follow the lives of celebrities, but the death of Prince has flooded my Facebook news feed, and as I read through articles about his life and untimely death, I actually felt sorry for him.  These celebrities are surrounded by vultures and parasites masquerading as friends. They fill their mansions with strange acquaintances and try to satiate the void in their lives with sex and drugs to no avail.  Saturday night, as I laid on my couch, I had an epiphany:  I am a very wealthy man.

I woke up Saturday with a daunting task.  We recently moved to be closer to my work, and we have a large storage unit that had to be emptied.  I rented a 16′ Budget truck and drove 50 miles to the storage.  On my way I got a call from a friend who recently returned from deployment.  We talked for almost the entire drive, about his deployment, our kids, and even about CONUS Battle Drills.

When I got to the storage unit, I posted a pic on Facebook and asked if anyone in the Fort Bragg area could come and help.  Within 3 minutes of the post, and old college buddy of mine asked for the address and drove 30 minutes out of his way to help.  A few hours later when we had the van loaded up, he volunteered to drive 90 minutes out of his way to help me unload as well.  When we were done, we sat in my garage and drank a beer to celebrate the task being complete.

Not long after that, I messaged a buddy of mine from Iraq.  He’s going through a tough divorce and I wanted to check up on him.  My heart broke for him and everything he’s going through.  I said a prayer and returned the rental truck.

It was right around dinner time when I got a phone call from my first platoon sergeant back when I was a cherry 2LT in the 82nd Airborne.  He wanted to tell me that he was going to be a Command Sergeant Major for the 10th mountain!  My whole family celebrated with him over the phone.

After dinner I laid on the couch while my three kids piled on top of me to watch some cartoons before their bath time.  It was there, in one of the most precious of moments holding my kids, that I realized just how wealthy I really am.

I don’t own a multi-million dollar mansion.  I don’t have an expensive car.  I don’t own a yacht, and I live on a budget.  I don’t have a lot of “stuff”, but I am incredibly wealthy.

I am friends with some of the greatest men this country has ever produced.  Warriors, real heroes, men whom books are written about, and they call me to celebrate and mourn?  I am undeserving of such an honor.  I am undeserving of so many blessings God has chosen to bestow upon me, but I am ever so grateful to Him.

Are you living your life like a celebrity?  Moving from one shallow relationship to another, filling your life with strip clubs and alcohol?  Because let me tell you something, if you have served this country, then you have walked among giants, and those men call you brother.  You have great wealth at your fingertips, if you’re ready to recognize it.

-LJF

Getting out of the military is hard!  Don’t make it harder on yourself by not being prepared!  Buy CONUS Battle Drills:  A Guide for Combat Veterans to Corporate Life, Parenthood, and Caging the Beast Inside!